Cohort Analysis for Vibe Coders: Skip the SQL, Ship the Insights

The Old Way

You wanted to understand how January signups behave differently from December signups. Simple question, right?

Here’s what it actually required:

1. File a ticket with the data team
2. Wait 2 weeks for prioritization
3. Review SQL queries for accuracy
4. Wait for the query to run (4 hours on big datasets)
5. Get a spreadsheet you can’t quite interpret
6. Schedule a meeting to discuss findings
7. Finally understand the insight (6 weeks later)

By then, January signups are old news.

The Vibe Coder Way

Open Claude Code. Ask Clayva:

“Compare retention curves for users who signed up in December vs January. Break down by acquisition source.”

Get this back in 12 seconds:

December cohort: 45% D7, 28% D30, 19% D90
January cohort: 52% D7, 35% D30, 24% D90

Key difference: January users from organic search retain 2.1x better than December paid acquisition users.

Suggested action: Increase organic content investment.

Same insight. 6 weeks → 12 seconds.

Why This Matters

Speed isn’t just convenient. It’s strategic.

When cohort analysis takes weeks, you do it quarterly. When it takes seconds, you do it constantly. You catch trends early. You validate hunches immediately. You ship with confidence.

Building the Habit

The hardest part isn’t the technology. It’s remembering you can ask.

Every time you wonder “I wonder if…” just ask. The answer is 12 seconds away.